Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize