Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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