she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
