I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
