i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
