So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
