"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize