So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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