I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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