New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
