Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
