I just made out with a guy for $7.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
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Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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