so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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