just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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