I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
