Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it's great music for shaving your balls
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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