I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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