when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
