In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize