i would punch a child for taco bell
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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