He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
