I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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