remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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