Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize