I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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