bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
