Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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