I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
