you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
