mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
