Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
