i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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