What a fucking waste of an outfit
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
