How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
