I bet he comes in French.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this hospital has no fireball
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
