She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
