Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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