After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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