If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
