and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
