My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
