I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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