I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
