We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
