i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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