I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
