first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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