you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He shit in the fireplace
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
