Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
