is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
