One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your penis caused this!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
