woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sext me about skeletons
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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