I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
