so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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