the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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