I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
