I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
