too bad you live with your parents still
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
