This girl is more easily done than said...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
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Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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