He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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