are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
