Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
