Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
