We won't sleep together?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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