I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
