Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
