maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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