BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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