Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
handjob tips. give me some.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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