hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
