cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
