Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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